That is not a typo. Today is about fearing less.
I have heard that some people are born fearless and others are worriers. Unfortunately, I fall into the latter. Growing up, my fear has held me back from sports teams, school plays, friendships, classes, hobbies. I was afraid of rejection; afraid of failing. I went to college but went somewhere within an hour of home. I had friends but avoided getting too close. I joined clubs but never took a leadership position. I took the back roads so I never had to drive the highway. I have always done just enough to get by and stay safe.
But today something changed. Something deep inside of me. Today I am breaking out of my comfort zone – letting go of my worries because they suck. They suck the spontaneity, the fun, the purpose out of life. For years I have let these joy-suckers feed on my every thought. However, right now I am shaking “what if” and opening up to “why not”. So here it goes –
I AM A CHRISTIAN!
Alright! I am guessing that is not what you were expecting. This is my biggest fear because I am worried about the reaction of others. Just stating that probably prevented someone from reading further. But if you are still with me – listen up! I want to be braver! Honestly though, who doesn’t? But today I saw a page and half of my prayer journal fill with worries and fears.
What?! That is insane!
You are absolutely correct – that’s crazy. I worry about failing – daily – as a wife, as a mother, as a friend, as a coworker, as a Christian. I keep myself in a safe-zone. And the worst part? I don’t worry about how I think I am doing – I worry about what others think about what I am doing. I am known as a people pleaser (shocker). I constantly struggle with being good enough for others.
We live in a world where social media is life. I often see these beautifully posed photos of gorgeous women and children with the most stunning makeup, using the most perfect lighting, in the most spotless houses with marble countertops. I don’t know about you but…
THAT IS NOT ME.
I am lucky if I go to work with mascara on my perfectly straight eyelashes. My countertops are covered with coffee grounds and baby formula. And every third light bulb in my house is burnt out.
BUT I AM DONE!
I am done pretending to be someone I am not. I am over worrying about fitting into this world. The truth is – I will never have a spotless house and designer brands mean nothing to me and my face breaks out whenever I put on makeup. I am still up 25 pounds from pregnancy. My dining room chairs fold-up. I have kept dead flowers in a vase for months because I dread the cleanup. My kid tried to eat a stinkbug – twice. I am not winning any awards. And I am okay with all of this because I am enough for God. Go ahead and say that out loud.
I AM ENOUGH FOR GOD!
He does not care about the latest trends in throws and decorative pillows or that I am wearing my winter coat from high school. He does not care that I use a cardboard box or laundry basket as a ballpit for my kid. And he really does not care if my shower is tiled. What He does care about is my heart. As I deepen my walk with the Lord I find that I was made to be imperfect so I can strive for perfection in God’s eyes – not the world’s. So I am working on fearing less, so I can be fearless. Because when I am fearless, I am God’s blank canvas.
So what about you? Do you want to fear less? Leave a comment if you are ready to shake your fears!