Who Am I?

That is always a loaded question. But truly – you might be wondering who I am, where I came from, why I am here.

Let me start with the basics – I am wife of a physician, a mother of a rambunctious boy, an emergency room nurse, and (most importantly) a Christian. I have been living a basic life with little adventure until a year and a half ago when I moved with my newly wed husband six hours from any family while I was several weeks pregnant. I left the comfort of my childhood home and a solid job with great co-workers to move across Pennsylvania with my husband for his residency. I was starting completely new in a very small town. The changes were huge, but honestly, the impact was small until I gave birth in the middle of a snowy winter.

Welcome, loneliness.

If you haven’t had one yet, you might not understand the full impact an immune-less creature (i.e. a newborn) has on one’s mental health – particularly during flu season. Enter cabin fever. Without too many details, I began journaling to help combat the emptiness and seclusion the four walls of my house were perpetuating. I had not realized how little I was caring for myself – it’s so easy to forget about you when you now live for another human being. My husband was helpful, but his hours are crazy being a resident physician so a lot of times I was playing the role of a single mom. I was physically and mentally exhausted but my spirit and heart were hungry.

Here’s where I began being brave.

I reached out to a girl I knew from high school who now freelances. She was someone I always thought was so cool and would never have time for someone like me (for no reason other than my own insecurity – something to talk about another day). Honestly, I didn’t know if she would respond. One week later, we were talking on the phone like old friends while she answered my questions and encouraged me. I was so excited to start. I knew exactly what I wanted to write about, but when I sat down to write my first post – NOTHING. I wrote and deleted too many posts to count. I wanted my blog to be called Brazen Imperfection, but I lacked content to support it.

Fast-forward 8 months…

I began feeling this strong pull to begin reading my Bible daily; admittedly, I was a Sunday Christian at the time. I purchased a cheap devotional for women to help guide my study; I prayed hard for guidance in my life. My life seemed so full, but I was still feeling so empty. Daily I prayed, “Who am I, and why am I here? God, use me for your purpose.” The strong pull started again, but this time to start writing about my experience with God – so I did. The deeper I delved into prayer, study, and writings the more I realized my purpose.

I am here to be imperfect.

I am here to show my imperfections to the world because my faults showcase the grace and awesomeness of God. Cool. I have figured out my purpose but now what? A few days later, my devotion focused on 2 Corinthians 12:9 (New International Version), which reads: 

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”

How powerful?! This is exactly for what I was praying! Let me add, a friend texted me later that day to send me this Bible verse because God has timing – and it is always perfect. So that’s who I am – I am imperfect. And I am proud to say it! How freeing!? Goodbye mommy guilt. Goodbye perfect house. Goodbye people pleaser. Hello Grace! Hello brazen imperfection!

So that’s me! Go ahead and drop me a line! I would love to meet you!

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